Why Forgiveness Is So Hard — and Why God Asks Us to Try Anyway

Forgiveness is one of the hardest things we are ever asked to do.

Not because we don’t understand the words,

but because we remember the pain.

When someone hurts us — especially someone we trusted — the wound doesn’t just disappear when time passes. It lingers in the body, in the mind, in the quiet moments when we replay what was said or done. Forgiveness can feel unfair, almost impossible. It can feel like letting go of something that matters, as though forgiving means saying, “What happened didn’t hurt me.”

But that isn’t what forgiveness is.

Forgiveness does not mean excusing harm.

It does not mean pretending everything is fine.

And it does not mean forgetting.

Forgiveness means choosing not to let the hurt keep ruling our heart.

Forgiveness is difficult because pain asks to be protected.

Anger feels safer than vulnerability.

Holding on can feel like strength — a way of saying, I mattered.

Sometimes we fear that forgiving will minimize our story, or that it will invite the hurt to happen again. Other times, we don’t forgive because we’re still grieving what we lost: trust, safety, a relationship, or a version of life we thought we’d have.

God understands that pain. He never asks us to deny it.

In Scripture, Jesus speaks often about forgiveness — not because it’s easy, but because it frees us.

“Forgive, and you will be forgiven.” (Luke 6:37)

God doesn’t ask us to forgive for the sake of the person who hurt us.

He asks us to forgive for the sake of our hearts.

Unforgiveness quietly keeps us tied to the wound. It reopens it again and again. Forgiveness, even when it takes time, begins to loosen that grip. It creates space for healing — not all at once, but gently, step by step.

Jesus forgave from the cross, not because the pain wasn’t real, but because love is stronger than pain.

If forgiveness feels too big right now, that’s okay. God meets us where we are.

Here is one small, honest way to begin:

You don’t have to say, “I forgive them.”

You can simply say,

“God, I want to forgive, but I don’t know how.

Please help me.”

That prayer matters.

Then, take it one layer at a time:

• Set boundaries where needed

• Ask God to soften your heart, not rush it

• Release the situation back into His hands, again and again

Forgiveness is often a process, not a moment. Some days you’ll feel peace. Other days the hurt will resurface. That doesn’t mean you’ve failed — it means you’re human.

Each time you choose to hand the pain back to God, even when it hurts, you are walking in faith.

Forgiveness doesn’t change the past.

But it can change the hold the past has on us.

If you’re struggling today, know this:

God sees your heart. He knows how hard this is.

And He walks with you — patiently, lovingly, step by step.

Grace grows quietly.